Severus Snape And The Thyme Of Rhyme
by Shadarus
Summary: Yet another accident in Potions class... with amusing results! Three different endings let you find out the who and why... and what to do about it! Short, sweet, and quite complete! (warning: rhyming insanity ahead)


Choose Your Own Adventure Fanfic:

Severus Snape and the Thyme of Rhyme

Don't read this in order! Follow the prompts at the end of each 'chapter' or it won't make any sense! When you're done,  
go back to "The Beginning", start over, and make another choice, there are three different endings! (And more than one way to get to them!) :) Enjoy!

I extend my humble gratitude to J.K. Rowling for 'letting' me play with her toys (though if she knew what we fanfiction writers DID with them, she'd probably bleach them thoroughly each time she got them back!)

You all know the Potter-verse isn't mine.

_letting_: Borrowing without permission. Hoping Big Brother doesn't find out. Using someone else's fabulous ideas to amuse the heck out of complete strangers (and hoping for an occasional review to feed my inner muse). Generally making a harmless nuisance out of oneself in the name of fun. _(see: FFDN for further examples)_

The Beginning:

Grey clouds at Hogwarts  
Greeted the day  
As masses of students  
Marched on their way

Some climbed to towers  
Some ran outside  
Some pondered studying  
Or daring to hide

And then some walked slowly  
Whose steps hesitate  
Who will not be early  
But dare not be late

For dungeons await them  
With odors most rank  
Where sunlight is banished  
And stone walls are dank

An imposing figure  
With dark scathing looks  
Arms folded in ponderance  
As they open books

The cauldrons are bubbling  
Their brews do commence  
Watching rare intellect  
And dreading the dense

The spidery writing  
In front of the room  
Spells triumph for some  
For others dire doom

A dusky deep resonance  
Echoing within bones  
Emphasize the importance  
Of the well copied tomes

Yet despite this warning  
(Or perhaps as its source)  
Not every student  
Follows this course

A set of flared brilliance  
And all eyes open wide  
One light near the doorway  
One at young Neville's side

But a mere moment to ponder  
Is a Potion's Masters plight  
He knows he must hurry  
But to which blazing light?

If Snape rushes to see what horrible mess Neville Longbottom  
has gotten into THIS time,go to "Neville does it again.

If Snape investigates the illumination near the doorway,go to  
"A Cauldron By The Doorway".

Neville does it again:

Running aghast towards Neville  
The mystery's easy to solve  
Thyme has been chopped to pieces  
And not made to dissolve

An explosion spews odd-smelling gases  
The students turn to flee en masse  
But none can escape true ineptitude  
And the potion envelopes the class

"You blundering dunderhead"  
Seethed Severus Snape  
"You realize we could be dead"  
With a flip of his cape.

Longbottom cringed wincingly  
"But I did what you said"  
Although not convincingly  
"I just did what I read!"

And young Draco snickered  
"What is this a poem"  
"Are we practicing a new play"  
"In your dungeon home?"

All eyes turned toward Neville  
For a second time  
As they slowly realized  
That what's said would now RHYME!

Hermione stood up  
And wandered beside  
The two personalities  
One cringing one tried.

"What is it Professor"  
"What Neville has done"  
"And is it reversible"  
"Or will these rhymes come?"

"For our years remaining"  
"And must we speak prose"  
"I think we'd go quite mad"  
"If no one here knows!"

Snape stood there still glowering  
Rage bright in his eyes  
At least the other fire  
Had met its demise

And itself extinguised  
Of its own accord  
Or their problems would mulitply  
A disasterous chord!

"Miss Granger, assist me"  
"There are problems to mend"  
"I will study this concoction"  
"You must research this trend."

If you think Hermione's research in Snape's books will find the cure,go to "Hermione Finds A Cure".

If you're counting on Snape's intellectual approach with the disasterous potion,go to "Snape Studies The Potion"

Hermione finds a cure:

The books were quite dusty  
But the answer was found  
Hermione stopped reading  
And they gathered around

"I've found the solution"  
"Though the task was not light"  
"But I doubt you will like it"  
"If you suffer stage fright!"

Snape raised an eyebrow  
The students did cringe  
Oh what would it take  
To end this strange binge

"We must all rhyme together"  
"With thirteen total verse"  
"In this prose united"  
"We will end the curse"

"Everyone is included"  
"At least each a line"  
"I suggest they're anonymous"  
"Or our nerves will waste time!"

"I suggest a theme"  
"To speed us along"  
"Should it be about Potion's Class"  
"Or a general school song?"

"Let's decide this moment"  
"I'm weary of rhyme"  
"Please sort into groups"  
"To salvage our time"

Do you vote a rhyme about Snape's class?  
Turn to "A Potions Class Rhyme"

Do you vote a fun Hogwart's song? Turn to "An Ode To Hogwarts"

Snape studies the potion:

Snape studies the potion  
With magic and mind  
That answer's elusive  
He's hoping to find

But many tests later  
The answer appears  
The potion is weakening  
It will not last years

"You have been very lucky"  
"No infirmary stay"  
"The effects of this blunder"  
"Will not outlast the day"

"You're dismissed from my classroom"  
"I have essays to grade"  
"You have wasted enough time"  
"With this farce you have played"

Young faces went ashen  
And eyes glimmered bright  
"You can't send us out there"  
"We'll rhyme them to fright!"

Draco stood determined  
With pureblood disdain  
And glared at the Slytherin  
Head saying plain

"I will not tolerate"  
"This despicable day"  
"My father will hear of it"  
"Without delay!"

"I demand that you cure us"  
"With immediate haste"  
"I refuse to be rhyming"  
"So best you make haste!"

The others were silent  
As Snape slinked into  
The brazen young Malfoy's  
Immediate view

"Your attitude is reproachful"  
"And from my own House"  
"Fifty points from Slytherin"  
"For hearing you grouse!"

"Fifty from Griffindor"  
"For Neville's mistake"  
"And five more from each of you"  
"For staying so late!"

The students ran headlong  
With fear at their heels  
With House points at stake  
Which authority steals

"And you, young Longbottom"  
"Please stay after class"  
"You've a potion to tidy"  
"And cleaning quite vast!"

THE END

A Potions Class Rhyme:

Potions are a nightmare  
A sinister class  
The fumes are upsetting  
The teacher is crass

The room is too chilly  
The lighting to dim  
Snape's handwriting's tiny  
The ingredients grim

The taskload's a challenge  
I'd hap'ly undertake  
Learning is blissful while  
My grade is at stake

This class is beneath me  
I'm bored to the gills  
Though my Head of House  
Appre-ciates my skills

I explode every cauldron  
I mess up every time  
To be without Potions  
Would be so divine!

What is that bad odor  
Our nostrils are fused  
And we just copy Draco  
Cuz we're awf'ly confused!

I impart my knowledge  
To the talent impaired  
I could teach you brilliance  
If anyone cared

Slytherins are ninnies  
Griffindors rule  
Godric's kids triumph  
Salazar's drool

Why do I need Potions  
Snape de-tests me so  
I've already saved Hogwarts  
So just let me go

The things I must learn  
Will turn my hair white  
Though red's more my color  
I'll try as I might

We take one step forward  
Then fifty points back  
Lucky that McGonagall  
Will make up the slack

Snape's voice is hypnotic  
His movements divine  
His hiding beneath cloaks  
Is really a crime!

We muck through this poetry  
Don't stutter or fall  
We want to stop rhyming  
Once and for all!

Snape peered at the students  
Their eyes open wide  
Would a taste of their medicine  
Knock them off stride?

A wicked thought surfaced  
"Now how did we fare"  
"Did we vanquish this bane"  
"Did we strip it's bones bare?"

The stillness was shattered  
A student's voice squeaked  
Snape gave them a respite  
Before they all freaked.

"50 points from Griffindor for starting this calamatous mess,  
and 5 points from every student for that DISTURBING creation  
you dubiously labeled as poetry. Class dismissed!"

Everyone fled for the doors but still heard Snape's final proclamation.

"And if I EVER discover who said my voice was hypnotic and my movements  
divine, they will spend the rest of the year in detention!" A significant pause. "With FILCH!"

THE END

Ode To Hogwarts:

We're stuck with this  
Repulsive curse  
So we'll sing this thing  
Before it gets worse

An ode to gallant Hogwarts  
First and third lines end the same  
We'll look into the Houses  
And see what's in a name

Hogwarts oh Hogwarts  
The castle divine  
A sorting of Houses  
Presented in rhyme

The first verses by Griffindor  
The second Slytherin  
Will show a rounded picture  
Of the people there within

Griffindors are brilliant  
Courageous and so brave  
They'll fight for truth and honor  
And vanquish any knave

Griffindors are pompus  
Show-offs and deranged  
They'll start a battle just to show  
That they're nothing at all but strange

Hufflepuffs are friendly  
Courteous 'til the end  
Always lend a helping hand  
To get you round the bend

Hufflepuffs are losers  
Never get it right  
At the slightest hint of thought  
Their little minds take flight.

Ravenclaws are intelligent  
Answers always near at hand  
When you are stuck with questions  
Then you must ask this band

Ravenclaws are too smart  
For their own feath'ry good  
Distant and elusive  
We'd hex them if we could

Slytherins are cunning  
But quite annoy us all  
We'd be much better without them  
Hide their bodies behind the wall

Slytherins are the pinnacle  
No mud-bloods or squibs allowed  
We don't run with that lowly  
And sadly pathetic crowd

Yes Hogwarts oh Hogwarts  
We pledge our loyalty  
We are the top of the pile  
Our house reigns within thee

Snape glanced around at the students, Slytherin and Griffindor glaring  
at each other with venom in their eyes. Best to diffuse the situation  
before another catastrophe struck.

"Slytherins dismissed. Griffindors stay and finish cleaning your latest disaster."

Shouts and cheers followed a green and silver tinged flood of students to the  
doorway. Gold and red were all that remained... and the colors were topped with scowls.

"Oh, and 50 points from Griffindor for our latest... experiment. Get to work!"

THE END

A Cauldron By The Doorway:

The Professor stalked  
Toward the doorway light  
The nearby faces  
Filled with fright

Poor Nevilles potion  
Had burbled with glee  
But it then simmered down  
Quite harmlessly

The very last cauldron  
By the door however  
Was being stirred  
By one far too clever

And Hermione tried  
To cover in vain  
A unique concotion  
Whose problem was plain

A upraised eyebrow  
A twisted sneer  
Would reduce any first year  
In quivering fear

Only made her defiant  
And she met his gaze  
"I am improving the potion"  
And they stared on amazed

"The original mixture"  
"Was far too weak"  
"I've added more Thyme"  
"And a suspension of Leek"

Someone snickered on  
The far side of the room  
And Snape's dark gaze  
Silenced the gloom

"Miss Granger has trespassed"  
"Into areas forbidden"  
"Don't laugh at her mistake"  
"Don't think your flaws hidden"

Then the Potions Master paused  
And considered his speech  
And then peered in the cauldron  
Just within his reach

"It seems you have found"  
"And unusual property"  
"The cure for a stutter"  
"Makes us rhyme with surety"

And Hermione stared  
With a chill at her table  
Though making this potion  
She easily was able

For her to return  
Both herself and the Master  
To regular speech  
She needed knowlege much vaster

"Apologies, sir"  
"I've stepped over my bounds"  
"Perhaps you have knowlege"  
"To end this speaking in rounds?"

He slunk like a predator  
To his office of books  
Returning with dusty tomes  
From dark hidden nooks

"Now explain quite exactly"  
"What your potion entailed"  
"I would send out for Poppy"  
"If my antidote failed"

As the students looked on  
Master and student  
Dug through the volumes  
For references prudent

Snape finally surfaced  
From a book leather-bound  
"It's rather abnormal"  
"But the antidote's found"

"It concerns every student"  
"Inside of this room"  
"To create and read poetry"  
"To save us from doom"

He turned to the assembled  
And glared with dark promise  
"We will choose a topic"  
"And remain anonymous"

"For time is essential"  
"So kindly do hurry"  
"I'd prefer my normal speech"  
"To save me some worry"

"Thirteen stanzas"  
"Are what we require"  
"Be it Potions or Hogwarts"  
"Please kindly conspire"

Do you vote a rhyme about Snape's class? Turn to  
"A Potions Class Rhyme"

Do you vote a fun Hogwarts song? Turn to "An Ode To Hogwarts"

Rated 'PG' - It's just a little sillyness.  
I only included the 'PG' rating in case I offended anyone's sensibilities by hinting at a student having a crush on a teacher.

Author's Note: This was inspired by two completely unrelated recent events:

1) I'm in the midst of looking for a second job. I got SOOOOO bored filling out applications, printing resumes, and making cover letters that I typed one of my cover letters up COMPLETELY in prose. It rhymed from start to finish (except for my name and address). I didn't get the job, but the law firm I applied to sent me a thank you note for making them smile.

2) I had a few minutes to spare this morning and was in between novels so I picked up a teeny tiny little mystery book my teenage nephew left lying around. Turned out to be a 'choose your own adventure' novel... inspiration struck!

PS: I just realized that this thing came out sounding like Dr. Seuss with writer's block.


End file.
